When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
