i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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