Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
