Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize