giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
