there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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