This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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