I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
