i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
