all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
