Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize