Need sex. Gaining weight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
