Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm really busy with my period
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