I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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