I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
