I didn't shave. On purpose
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
