Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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