I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
