tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
