Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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