never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize