So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
