people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
