My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
