Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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