I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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