so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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