Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize