Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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