I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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