dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
