He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
