I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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