The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
