I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
As shirtless as possible
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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