How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
