Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
