you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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