I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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