question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
