he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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