I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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