hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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