and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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