If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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