I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
