Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
