the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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