Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
