My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
