Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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