You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
