Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
