i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
