I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
