He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
