How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
