Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We have started to decorate penises.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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