Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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