My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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