Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
