Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
