You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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