Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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