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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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