Please, let me fuck your mom
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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