Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
