I heard we made out
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
