i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
