i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think i have two assholes
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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