Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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