and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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